Let's Talk: Navigating End-of-Life Conversations with Parents
Having "the talk" with our parents about incapacity and end-of-life planning can be tough, but it's something that shouldn’t be avoided. There will likely come a day when your parents lack the capacity to have a meaningful conversation about these things, and at that point it is too late. So, how do we approach this sensitive topic with empathy and understanding?
Set the Scene: First things first, find the right time and place. Look for a relaxed setting where everyone can talk openly without distractions. And remember, timing is everything - avoid bringing it up during emotionally charged moments.
Start by expressing your love and concern. Let your parents know you care deeply about them and that you want to talk about their preferences for incapacity and end-of-life to ensure their peace of mind.
Keep It About Them: Now, the key here is to listen actively. Your parents might have fears or worries about discussing this, so be patient and non-judgmental. Give them space to share their thoughts openly.
Respect their autonomy. This is about their wishes, not yours. Offer support and guidance, but don't impose your beliefs on them. Encourage them to explore their options and make informed decisions.
Create a Gameplan: Ask your parents how they would like you to participate in the decision making process. Who are their trusted advisors (physician, attorney, accountant, financial advisor, etc.)? And would they welcome you into their conversations with them? Privacy should be respected, but it may be helpful to bring you into the fold if you are the one who will be carrying out the plan once your parents lack capacity or pass away.
Know Where To Look: Even if your parents want to keep their planning private, it is important that you know where to look for documentation when it is needed. Do they keep a folder of important documents (medical advance directive, will, etc.) in a certain place in their home? Or with a certain trusted advisor? If you don’t know where to look, you won’t be able to ensure their wishes are honored.
In the end, having these conversations can be tough, but they're essential for everyone's peace of mind. Approach them with love and understanding, and keep the focus on respecting your parents' wishes. It's all about making sure they have control and dignity during their final stages of life.
